The Great Gluten Free Controversy

So, after a month or so roughly gluten free, I’m starting to feel better again. The bloating is diminishing, and I can go to the toilet like a normal person!

Last week was very touch and go; I felt awful. I was getting really frustrated as I couldn’t see where I was going wrong. Then I found out a colleague of mine came down with d&v the very next day, meaning I had just picked up a bug. Thank fuck for that!

I went GF in the summer last year, but this time I’ve been putting more substitute foods into my diet instead of going all-out low carb. So far, I have discovered that M&S is heaven for us freefromers. Their seeded bread is by far the best I have tried so far (not too keen on Genius, it’s very sweet), and their pizza bases could be mistaken for beautiful gluten filled dough. And we can get party food! Gluten free party food! Thank you, M&S. You are a bloody lifesaver.

Despite Coeliac UK deeming malt vinegar ok to have, I don’t think I’m ok with it. This is something I need to do a bit more testing on which is a shame, as I friggin’ love vinegar. Aspall’s Apple Cider Vinegar is currently my substitute.

I’m also testing out some other foods that are high in FODMAPS and likely to spark trouble in us IBS afflicted beings. I appear to be fine with all veggies and onion. Garlic needs more testing, but I think a lot of fruits are out for me. Which is fine by me, as I have never been a big fruit eater.

I have been finding myself getting a little pissed off lately, however. Not with the diet, it’s working and my tummy is happy, so I’m happy! No, what I’m getting pissed off with is know-it-alls in the media, on the internet, and in real life who basically say, ‘coeliac or GTFO’.

There appears to have been an influx of articles recently calling out gluten free as a fad. Sales are up, so of course we’re all just big fakey fakers, replacing delicious food with mediocre, overpriced alternatives just for the sheer fun of it. It’s all in our heads don’t you know. The placebo effect. Quite how me not having Guinness makes me feel better is a placebo, god knows. I miss it guys. So much. *sob*

I know a lot of people who can’t eat dairy, because if they do they get symptoms very similar to what I get after eating ciabatta. Nobody questions if their unfortunate bowel habits are real; being dairy free is fine! So why the problem with gluten? What is it about this silly little protein that gets people so riled up?

I spend a lot of my time on reddit, which is both good and bad. There is a good gluten free and coeliac community there, but the entirety of reddit is also full of idiots, so it’s swings and roundabouts. I have read of a waitress refusing to believe someone had a problem with gluten because she finished her meal off with coffee. (a) People with coeliac disease/NCGS can have coffee, because coffee doesn’t contain gluten. And (b) who the fuck are you to be judging what other people are eating, you hateful jerk?! (I responded to her, she claimed it was because of cross-reactivity, despite there being no solid evidence of this.)

And then there was the FODMPAS controversy. There were so many posts pointing out gleefully that NCGS didn’t exist, that it was all down to FODMAPS. I mean, duh, how stupid are we? To follow a gluten free diet and feel better on it because grains that contain gluten are also high in FODMAPS. LOL I no rite?!1!

So these idiots who find people avoiding gluten irritating, were actually saying, ‘Guys! It’s not gluten! It’s still wheat, barley and rye, but it’s also tons of other shit, like onions and garlic and cabbage and cauliflower and beans and apples!’ They were annoyed about people restricting one thing from their diet, and instead telling them to restrict even more things.

…Yeah. I don’t follow. What is the beef with gluten?!

I talk to a lot of coeliacs, and 99% of them are happy with the rest of us that avoid gluten. They don’t give a shit why, they’re just happy that restaurants now cater for them and they have three choices of bread instead of one subpar vacuum packed monstrosity.

If my uncooperative tummy pisses you off, I’m not sorry. I can’t help it. Just like how I can’t help that I’m pigeon toed and knock kneed, I can’t help that my tummy can’t tolerate certain things. I can’t help that I tested negative for coeliac, despite showing all the symptoms of it and improving on the same diet.

If you think it’s all in my head, you stay with me for 24 hours after I drink some Guinness. You may start to rethink!

Nikki x

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