It’s scary out there.

I’ve been single for just over a year, and ever since then, I have embraced internet dating. (I’m 25 and attempting to stave off ‘left on the shelf syndrome’.)

I internet date for many reasons, but the main reason is that people you meet out are either already taken, or just looking for sex. Sometimes just sex is fine! I am a big believer in free love and casual sex so long as both parties are happy. But I am at a point where I would quite like a nice boyfriend to drag to museums and go out to dinner with. I also quite miss having sex on tap.

I use two dating sites, OkCupid and eHarmony, and here are my experiences of them…

I’ve already written about the fact that OkCupid is full of freaks, but I am the eternal optimist. Of the guys I’ve dated from there, here is what happened:

Dickhead #3 was the first guy I ever dated online. We ended up going out for 6 months, and he then proceeded to mess me around for a good nine months, until the end of last year, where he was pretending to decide between me and his girlfriend. I then found out he started seeing his current girlfriend when he was still with me, so I put an end to the whole silly charade and haven’t heard from him since January. It’s a shame as he’s actually quite ill (it’s treatable), but I had to get off that merry-go-round for my own sanity.

Fit ginger guy was someone I dated a month after I broke up with dickhead #3 (too soon, I now realise). Very good first date, promises of more dates which never materialised. Fell out of touch and he then got back in touch with me five months after the first date for another date… which also never materialised.

Makes weird noises when he kisses guy was a very boring post-grad student who I let kiss me. He made very weird ‘mmm’ noises whilst doing so, and then promptly invited me back to his. Um, thanks, but no thanks.

Junk food guy I went on four dates with. It took me a while to decide if I liked him, but his penchant for eating nothing but chips and nuggets, coupled with the fact that he spent our fourth date renewing his car insurance put paid to that.

23 22 year old‘s dating profile said he was 23 but it turned out he was in fact only 22. I gave him the benefit of the doubt as he was very pretty, and the date went perfectly. The only problem? I never heard from him again.

‘Mr Mature’ is the last guy I dated. I had THE funnest first date with him and he seemed very keen, which I kind of liked because I have dated a glut of emotionally unavailable men. But then he disappeared into thin air just before the next two dates we had arranged, always coming back with excuses. I gave him one more chance and we had a second date which was quite nice, but I couldn’t decide if I fancied him. But we arranged a third date nevertheless, and on the day of the date he started sending me sexually suggestive messages. I didn’t think this was very cool, as I barely knew him and besides, I have a minimum four date policy (which he knew about, I hasten to add)! So I told him to stop being so gross (the texts really were ew-inducing) to which he replied ‘Don’t you like sex?’ (LOL WUT?!) He then went on to tell me I wasn’t mature enough for an adult relationship and I had a lot of growing up to do!

SO! After that palaver, I decided to join a pay dating site, and my dad, who is obviously very keen to kick me out of the house, agreed to pay half. I chose eHarmony and I hate it because:

  • You can’t tell who is a paying member and who isn’t
  • You can’t see photos without having to click on each person’s profile
  • The site is butt-ugly
  • It has a stupid ‘guided communication’ feature which is ridiculous

The mobile app is pretty though, so it does get points for that. Anyway, last week I got a message from a guy and we seemed to get on! We started texting and we arranged a date for tonight, after my Swedish class. He did mention he had never been on an online date before, but he was keen so I wasn’t worried.

Until today. He basically disappeared from last night, and then didn’t respond to any of my texts from today, until 6pm where he told me he had just got home and had been phoneless all day (a likely story!) and wouldn’t be able to make it in time (LIES, we had arranged to meet at 8, what bloke takes longer than an hour to get ready?!) So I asked if we were going to re-arrange and I haven’t heard anything since. I think he was probably a bit scared, but ye gods, man the fuck up! At least tell me why you’re suddenly running scared. Oy vey!

So there endenth my experience with online dating. I am sure there are plenty of nice guys; I have an OkCupid inbox overflowing (I really need to respond to some!) and it’s very good for the ego, but I don’t know if it’s the men I’m choosing or the type of men who choose to online date or just men in general, but they all seem rubbish! I am quite picky, (although ‘Mr Mature’ really wasn’t that good looking) but surely there are some nice, intelligent, well-travelled pretty men out there? Surely?

I dare you to prove me wrong, internet. PROVE ME WRONG.

(If the internet gods are listening, I like tall men, either dark or blonde, who are smart and a bit geeky, a good job is a plus as is someone who doesn’t take themselves too seriously, a sense of adventure is essential and reliability an absolute MUST. Ages 23-32, location: Warwickshire/Birmingham. Regards.)

Nikki x


4 thoughts on “It’s scary out there.

    • Haha, well I’ve been to Sweden twice and fell in love. Always wanted to learn another language (beyond GCSE French) and it seemed slightly easier than German so I thought why not! Almost finished my second year of formal classes now and I love it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s